I keep saying this over and over in my head. I keep saying that my Mommy has myeloma and everytime I say it it doesn’t sound real. So I’ve only told one person and I told her the second I found out. Then I typed it in a group chat for women of color. And when I typed it it didn’t feel heavy, it felt strange. And so here I am wanting to speak to someone, anyone to discover what it means to have myeloma.
I experienced the discomfort of the doctor when he had to tell my mother that she has myeloma. I watched him wringing his fingers and shuffling his feet. I listened to him asking about our family’s health history. I can see in his face that he was searching for answers. He wanted to know how a woman who doesn’t smoke, who no longer drinks, and has no history of any type of <strike>cancer</cancer> in her family’s history could have this disease. “It sometimes just happens.” Then he was gone. I don’t know his name. What do I do now?