Dear Dad

Hey you. I’ve got something to tell you and the best way that I could see to do it was by putting it down on paper. Don’t misunderstand what I am about to say, not every child raised like me will be just like me. After all, once I hit 23, I have to take the blame. We all won’t be single mothers with multiple fertilizers to our seeds. We all won’t seek fathers in lovers or settle for less than what we deserve because we don’t know our worth. We all can’t be what I have become because I have two and what will they become? What you have done to me! And what have you done for me?

The disdain between you & mother, mother & you was far greater than your love for me. My smile wasn’t bright enough, my laugh wasn’t sweet enough, and my hand wasn’t warm enough.

“Later, later, later. When she’s older, it will be better. I will tell her how much I love her and that it is her mother’s fault we couldn’t be together.”

“Later, later, later. One day I will be older and I will tell him about all that he’s missed. I will tell him how much I love him and one day, I will see how it is mommy’s fault.”

But later never comes, it just becomes later and while waiting for later, men twice my age told me what you never did. And then I told them everything I never told you in return. I laid in their laps and had my hair brushed, my blouse straightened, and my bedroom eyes were complimented. “They’re my daddy’s eyes;” and they were Daddy’s eyes indeed.

I did not know it then but I sought you out in bedroom after bedroom whilst I tumbled, skid, and fought thru dysfunctional relationship after relationship improving my craft. And here we are. I am writing you because after twenty-six short years of my unguided life, you have changed your mind. After twenty-six years of later, you have decided that you don’t want to be my father and all I can say is, “later.”

A Lesson in Vernacular

Hi guys..

I gotta get something off of my chest because the more this occurs, the more annoyed I get. Here’s the thing I am educated, I am Black, and I am a single mother of two babies. I have to say that I get so tired of people splitting hairs over what I decide to call myself because of the negative connotations that surround whichever title: Baby’s, kid’s, or child’s mother. When you get down to it, I am all of the above. Just because Some people hop around, smack their lips, and drop the letter s when they say “baby mother” (which is erroneous in a grammatical sense alone) doesn’t make it a ghetto term. As I stated earlier, I happen to be Black as well and we know the negative connotations surrounding that title. Does that make me any less Black? Absolutely not. I define who I am and what the title means anytime I interact with someone.

This whole baby daddy/ baby momma high horse thing is getting crazy. To say I’m being disrespected or disrespecting myself for saying I’m his babies’ mom….why? He & I never married and while we were in a relationship at one point, we aren’t now. I don’t say “he’s my baby daddy” because it’s improper English but I will say that he’s my babies’ daddy/father because, well…who else would he be? Him being a parent to my children separates him from the rest of my exes. My vernacular doesn’t include the terms baby momma and baby daddy unless I’m being sardonic however, if it did it wouldn’t be disrespectful or degrading because it’s a fact.

What it boils down to, correct me if I’m wrong, is a grammatical error. Would I have rather been his wife than just the bearer of his children, absolutely. I’d also prefer being a wife over a wifey but that’s a whole different ball game. My point is that vernacular should have no bearing on what level of respect you get. At least not in this aspect. Some people believe a father is a leader and that daddies are simply donors while I was taught the opposite. The same goes for mothers versus mommies. It’s like a caramel/carmel or potato/potahto kind of thing. It seems to me that people as a whole should quit focusing on titles and focus on “Am I performing my due diligence as a parent? Whether I’m being called a ‘baby mama’ or ‘child’s mother,’ am I doing right by said child?” Nothing else should matter

Sincerely,

His Baby Mama

A Lesson in Vernacular

Hi guys..

I gotta get something off of my chest because the more this occurs, the more annoyed I get. Here’s the thing I am educated, I am Black, and I am a single mother of two babies. I have to say that I get so tired of people splitting hairs over what I decide to call myself because of the negative connotations that surround whichever title: Baby’s, kid’s, or child’s mother. When you get down to it, I am all of the above. Just because Some people hop around, smack their lips, and drop the letter s when they say “baby mother” (which is erroneous in a grammatical sense alone) doesn’t make it a ghetto term. As I stated earlier, I happen to be Black as well and we know the negative connotations surrounding that title. Does that make me any less Black? Absolutely not. I define who I am and what the title means anytime I interact with someone.

This whole baby daddy/ baby momma high horse thing is getting crazy. To say I’m being disrespected or disrespecting myself for saying I’m his babies’ mom….why? He & I never married and while we were in a relationship at one point, we aren’t now. I don’t say “he’s my baby daddy” because it’s improper English but I will say that he’s my babies’ daddy/father because, well…who else would he be? Him being a parent to my children separates him from the rest of my exes. My vernacular doesn’t include the terms baby momma and baby daddy unless I’m being sardonic however, if it did it wouldn’t be disrespectful or degrading because it’s a fact.

What it boils down to, correct me if I’m wrong, is a grammatical error. Would I have rather been his wife than just the bearer of his children, absolutely. I’d also prefer being a wife over a wifey but that’s a whole different ball game. My point is that vernacular should have no bearing on what level of respect you get. At least not in this aspect. Some people believe a father is a leader and that daddies are simply donors while I was taught the opposite. The same goes for mothers versus mommies. It’s like a caramel/carmel or potato/potahto kind of thing. It seems to me that people as a whole should quit focusing on titles and focus on “Am I performing my due diligence as a parent? Whether I’m being called a ‘baby mama’ or ‘child’s mother,’ am I doing right by said child?” Nothing else should matter

Sincerely,

His Baby Mama