It’s late. I’ve spent about 3 hrs scrolling online. It’s almost three AM and I’ve been up since 11. I leave for work at six. This time I closed my eyes and thought about being held in his arms as he kissed me on my forehead. I closed my eyes and snuggled into his chest. As I imagined this, tears quietly rolled down the side of my face. this man was someone I knew but never saw but I could feel his love and passion radiate through me. The only certainty is that if I were to find myself wrapped in this someone’s arms, it would be for my benefit alone. I’d leave him eventually for a man I would want to marry. And it doesn’t work that way. The karma in a one-sided love affair hits hard. I’d be plagued with the idea of being a placeholder and inevitably ruin the prospect of a serious relationship. Until I can enjoy the quiet space & not occlude it with the past, I need to be alone. I don’t want my old lovers or my old friends. I want to feel new. I am in fact brand new.
My lips were numb and I could barely breathe. Whenever we kissed, I felt intoxicated. I wanted more. I needed more.
His kiss sucked the air directly from my lungs. When our lips parted ways, he bit down until tears welled in my eyes. His kiss felt like love so I bit him back. I was ready for love.
Then he’d trail his lips from my full bottom lip to my chin and from my chin to my neck. My pussy ached in a literal sense. My inner walls contracted and salivated.
His fingers danced to the meeting of my thighs and skipped around my clit. He kissed me again. Tiny bubbles filled my airway. My breaths would become shallow. My mind would race until I was dizzy.
This unmistakable lust had eluded me until this moment. A stolen moment.
A single stolen moment would become two and then three until each stolen moment was declared the last of its kind.
image credit: stefan kuhn
He said he’d buy me a collar then we’d do erotic things.
I wonder what those things include.
Would he instruct me to gracefully kneel and lift my hair?
As he fixes the collar to my neck, would his rough finger tips graze the tiny goosebumps on my nape?
Before he walks around to stand in front of me, lifting my chin so he can see me
Staring into my eyes so he can see us
Because I am now his submissive.
A reflection of his dominance,
A result of his care,
I’m feeling antsy in this heat. I should be in the nude. Your hands should be fixed in the crooks of my knees. My knees should be pressed into ribs while your phallus massages my insides. The sound of coqui add to the soundtrack of our love making.
Lay up with me under clouds of weed smoke. Your fingers part my lips while you kiss the other pair.
She so nasty. Two hands around your dick & a lot of throat. You know it’s not love but the needles in your toes are telling you the opposite.
I managed to sexualize everything about her; even the way the filthy smoke escaped her beautiful lips.
The only thing they will remember is that she was a marvelous queen with terrible habits.
Who is she?
She smokes cigars but still smells
like the first dance of spring.
& a heavy heart.
Hard liquor coats her tongue
& singes your lips.
No make up,
with worn leather framing her eyes.
Never begging for love.
Touch mimicking light rain,
words like thunder,
freer than the wind.
Our love was like a tango in hellfire and brimstone.
constantly, I questioned our presence.
my mind is constantly in a choke hold
and my heart is in flames.
both call out for help
but neither are willing to be saved.